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:iconsteve-c2:
Where to begin.

This is a short story with short sections, which makes it easy to digest since it's written in byte-size increments. Each section is brief and succinct, right to the point, a tightly wrapped part of a larger whole. And it works well, very well.

Each of the sections presents a different part of the story that provides just enough information, just enough detail, if you will, for the reader to imagine and know what is happening. There's just enough there to give incentive to continue reading.

Honestly, I think the brevity of each section helped to convey the emotions of Merope. I know when I read this, I was affected.

What impressed me is that I, and I'm sure others, know you and your Evil Minions Union series for being funny. Yes, there's an evil overlord, the Great One, and yes, there are minions, but there's so much slapstick and trope-mocking or trope-overturning or trope-navelgazing that it's easy to see them as likeable people rather than the traditional "cardboard cutout" villians. They're more cut-up, you see. This bit lets us see one of the chief underlings in the Great One's organization, and while he's definitely not the cardboard cutout, he's definitely NOT likeable. This individual is really horrible - to say it lightly. Congratulations; you've written a monster.

I think that the ability to write comedy, then move to serious, takes a bit of skill. And I also think to do it within the scope of the same series, is impressive, since it takes skill to weave it into the story without losing the whole, and that's what you've done here.

Under your scripts, you ask, "Was this interesting? Do you want to know more?" Yes, absolutely. "What stood out?" Lommick's actions against Merope. From the beginning when he was creepy; right to the end with the emotional, mental, and physical abuse. That, and Merope's emotions through the whole were well conveyed.

Great work; you did well with this. :)
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2 out of 2 deviants thought this was fair.

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